


Hope and Stardust

by DemonicGeek



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Aziraphale Loves Crowley (Good Omens), Crowley Loves Aziraphale (Good Omens), Crowley's Fall (Good Omens), Falling In Love, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), Ineffable Partners, M/M, Then he falls again, all the pining, because they're in love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-30
Updated: 2020-07-15
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:08:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24447835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DemonicGeek/pseuds/DemonicGeek
Summary: Before Aziraphale, Crowley was in Heaven. And then he Fell.After the Fall, he met an angel and he had to learn to trust again. And perhaps fall in a different way.There will be doubting, angst, and pain. But I do always promise a happy ending where they're together."Crowley looked down at the small star spinning in his hand. “Vega, please behave yourself.” The star seemed to almost skitter and Crowley sent an energy burst to calm it. He knew the stars weren’t supposed to have emotions, but sometimes he wondered what exactly it was he was creating.The star flew out of his hand and hovered just in front of his face, almost as if staring at him. Crowley smiled at it. The ones that had a bit of spirit had always been his favorite.“Why do you want to be near Altair so much anyway? Just stay in your space, would you? You’re such a beautiful thing. It’ll help you shine all the brighter.”The star seemed to almost droop in front of him."
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 11
Kudos: 30





	1. Playful Stars

**Author's Note:**

> Please note that Crowley is not going to meet Aziraphale in Heaven. I know there are many fics where he does, but this isn't one of them, it's a different sort of story. I promise Aziraphale WILL show up and they are utterly in love because of course they are.
> 
> Crowley did have a different name in Heaven, but I'm not going to deadname Crowley. He is Crowley.
> 
> I've got this planned out for 12 chapters, but if anything I may add one. And I kind of expect them to get longer as we go, but we'll see. Right now the rating is T, but I make no promises it won't jump to E because sometimes these two just get away from me and I'm sitting here going "Really?" First few chapters are written and I'm going to try for one a week... unless I get impatient and sink into posting them more often.

**Before the Fall**

Crowley looked down at the small star spinning in his hand. “Vega, please behave yourself.” The star seemed to almost skitter and Crowley sent an energy burst to calm it. He knew the stars weren’t supposed to have emotions, but sometimes he wondered what exactly it was he was creating.

The star flew out of his hand and hovered just in front of his face, almost as if staring at him. Crowley smiled at it. The ones that had a bit of spirit had always been his favorite.

“Why do you want to be near Altair so much anyway? Just stay in your space, would you? You’re such a beautiful thing. It’ll help you shine all the brighter.”

The star seemed to almost droop in front of him.

“You’ll be able to see Altair from where you are. Sparkling through the star dust of the Milky Way. Does that make things better?”

The star zipped around his head. Crowley laughed and threw up a burst of magic, giving the star some more blue light. It paused and glowed brighter.

“To your spot then? The humans are going to love you, little one.”

The star came back, resting in Crowley’s hand for just a moment. Then he gave a gentle push and it flew to its space in the sky. It pulsated once, and then calmed into a bright blue-white. Altair glowed a bit in response, then both settled in. Crowley let out a contented sigh.

Then there was a loud clang. Crowley flinched, but he waved his hand and all of a sudden he was no longer surrounded by stars but back in a pure white studio. His face fell at the sight before him. Kochbiel was on the floor, Uriel staring down at them.

“I don’t understand, Uriel.” Kochbiel’s face was scared, staring up at the Seraph.

Crowley was torn between groaning and growling, but he moved across the room to place himself between the two. “What’s going on?” He glanced between them, waiting.

“They weren’t following the plan.” Uriel’s voice was harder. Harder than it needed to be for someone who was as anxious to do well as Kochbiel. “That star was supposed to be more red hued than blue. We don’t know how it will affect things.”

Crowley gave Kochbiel a reassuring wink and turned his body to face Uriel. “Do we know why it was supposed to be red?”

Uriel looked taken aback. “What?”

“Why was it supposed to be red? You know, sometimes these stars, they just want to do as they will.” He thought of Vega with a fond smile. “Is it important? Some of the plans are noted as vital, others well.”

Uriel’s lip curled. “It’s part of the plan.”

“Right, then I’ll take it up with Lucifer. His department, right?” Crowley turned his back on Uriel and held his hand out towards Kochbiel. “Want to come with me, Kochbiel?”

Suddenly Crowley was thrown backwards. As he landed on his wing, he noted that that was certainly going to leave a bruise. But then he was back on his feet in a crouched, fighting position, staring up at Uriel.

“Are you sure you want to do this Uriel?”

Uriel said nothing but approached, then began slowly circling Crowley. Crowley waited patiently, trying to spot any sort of weakness. When Uriel dove, Crowley used his wings to propel himself up, then swiped them knocking Uriel to the side. Uriel landed on the ground with a thud and before they could respond, Crowley was on them, using his wings to pin Uriel’s and holding both their arms behind them. Uriel struggled for a moment, then was still.

“If I let you go, are you going to leave us alone?”

Uriel grunted a yes.

Crowley carefully rolled to the side, resuming his stance as he waited for Uriel to stand. The Seraph brushed himself off, staring at Crowley. Then he turned and walked from the room. Crowley straightened with a sigh before turning back to Kochbiel.

They were still on the floor. Crowley crossed the room and held his hand out to pull them up. “Alright, there?”

Kochbiel nodded. “Shouldn’t have done that. Lucifer’s going to hear about it.”

Crowley rolled his eyes. “I’ll deal with Lucifer. You get back to whatever it is you’re supposed to be doing.” He paused. “And don’t worry too much about the star colors, unless it’s noted. Uriel doesn’t have the right touch. Doesn’t mean that all the stars need to lack personality.”

Kochbiel smiled shyly, and they waved and disappeared back into star space.

Crowley was about to turn back to his next project when a hand fell on his shoulder.

“We need to talk.” Lucifer’s light voice echoed in his ear.

Crowley tried not to let the trepidation show on his face as he turned to follow Lucifer into his office. He sat in the chair, facing the angel across the table.

“Uriel has filed an official complaint that you attacked them.”

Crowley thought he had a poker face. He had to reassess that as Lucifer broke into peals of laughter.

“The look on your face. Would you care to tell me the actual story?”

“They were harassing Kochbiel about the color of some secondary stars. I merely asked for the priority designation. Lucifer, you know what some of those stars are like, they almost have minds of their own! It was barely off color, and Uriel was throwing a fit and Kochbiel was on the ground. It wasn’t right.”

Lucifer’s face faded into seriousness. “Crowley, you can’t speak like that. It’s part of the plan.”

Crowley huffed and threw one leg over the arm of the chair to lean back properly. “You don’t tell me to curtail myself. Why should Kochbiel? It’s just a secondary designation, it won’t impact anything in the long run.”

Lucifer’s voice was sharp enough that Crowley had to look at him. “There is a plan, Crowley. We need to stick to it. It’s ineffable, and the instructions we have from Her.” He leaned back. “There’s talk of problems here in Heaven. Small things, but really they’re larger than we understand. It’s best to  _ stick to the plan _ . You wouldn’t want any misunderstandings right now. Do you understand?”

Crowley raised an eyebrow at the tone of Lucifer’s voice. He’d heard rumors, but to hear them from a substantial source he trusted was more worrisome. He wondered what the others were thinking.

“I’ll be careful, Lucifer. But I still have to do the right thing.”

Lucifer’s eyes were so intense now, they were almost glowing gold. “It’s not for us to know the right thing, Crowley. It’s for us to follow Her instructions. The ineffable plan is the right thing. Remember the line.”

“‘Suppose.”

“At least keep your head down for now. Things are happening. Don’t get caught up in them. And for everyone’s sake, stay out of Uriel’s way.”

Crowley nodded his agreement as he stood, understanding the dismissal. He strode from the room, but he wasn’t in the proper headspace to work again. He considered for a moment, then he headed towards the gardens.


	2. The Gardens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley decides to take a walk in the gardens, visiting some of the plants. But the lack of belonging is becoming more evident to him, and more clear in his star making.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A giant thank you to DarknessAndFyre for jumping in to help me beta <3

Crowley stretched out on a small patch of grass, looking up between the leaves of the apple tree above. The gardens were a test place, of course. The creators here were trying to figure out what did and didn’t work on Earth. The apples above his head were a bright purple he’d already heard would be done away with in favor of red. He hoped they’d taste the same.

Crowley enjoyed his work, genuinely. Most of the jobs here were strictly controlled, but Lucifer allowed the star makers some leniency and it allowed him to sometimes create. Crowley liked making things. He liked watching the plants grow as well, and thought he’d enjoy working here.

“Aren’t your apples beautiful?” He whispered to the tree above him. The tree gave a soft shake and one fell into his lap. He sat up as he bit into it. He ignored the juice running down his chin as he leaned against the tree, leaves gently waving in the breeze.

Lucifer had been encouraging him to ask questions. Now he was telling him to keep his head down. Others had been mentioning a fight brewing.

His eyes traced across the flowers in the garden. They were beautiful. He wasn’t sure why the stars had such exact directions, but the trees and flowers did not. Maybe he’d be happier here.

He wasn’t supposed to think that. It wasn’t part of the plan, wasn’t what he was made for.

Of course, he hadn’t been made to learn to fight either, and he’d learned most of the basic moves out of curiosity. He knew he wasn’t supposed to be able to do the majority of the miracles he could do, and he certainly wasn’t supposed to be able to pause time for a few seconds. He didn’t know why he could. Perhaps it was simply the working with star dust, though he hadn’t noticed anyone of the other star makers doing anything outside the normal.

Crowley knew that he was the best star maker they had. It was why he was given the trickier ones now. The ones others had failed at. The stars that simply wouldn’t listen. He was able to talk to them and convince them. He worried sometimes that that was pride he should be avoiding. Was it pride to know that he was the best at what he did?

He tossed the apple core into the air and snapped it out of existence. It was so sweet. He hoped the apples would always be sweet. He wiped his face with his robe.

Crowley stood and slowly moved his way through the garden. He used a miracle here and there where he saw a wilted plant. He leaned down and spoke to more than one, running his hands gently over their leaves. They seemed to stand taller with the praise.

Towards one back corner he found new plants he thought were called hibiscus. There was one red plant growing near a white one and Crowley had a thought. He snapped a knife into existence then carefully cut a small cutting from each, using a bit of magic to graft them together. He cocked his head looking at the two flowers in front him, then let a slight miracle go and watched the plant grow quickly, it’s flowers becoming intermixed, reflecting both colors.

He gently pulled back some earth and left it between the two, a meeting space bridging the colors. He was so focused he didn’t hear the angel coming up behind him.

“Don’t you work in stars?” The voice was quiet, but it had a certain hardness to it.

“I do.” Crowley answered, not quite taking his eyes from the flowers in front of him.

“You don’t belong here. You especially don’t mind mucking up our plants.” The angel leaned past him and snapped. The flowers disappeared.

Crowley closed his eyes, pushing down the pain. They were right. He didn’t belong here. But he couldn’t help but wonder why. He hadn’t hurt anything, he’d just taken something there and helped make it more beautiful.

Now the voice behind him was harsh. “You need to leave. Now.”

Crowley didn’t bother turning to face the angel behind him. He knew there was no arguing with them. He simply began to walk away. He wasn’t talking to the plants any longer, his heart was aching for the small dual-colored flowers that had winked from existence.

Flowers. Stars. What was the difference really? He found himself muttering something about why they all had assigned tasks anyway. He saw an angel straighten from a bush he was working with and turn to stare.

Crowley reminded himself he was supposed to be keeping his head down and he forced his muttering to silence. That didn’t stop the questions running through his head about why things were the way they were.

The door slammed behind him as he marched back into the star workshop. He walked over and took the next paper with his name on it. Probably another that others couldn’t handle judging by the blue ice ring supposed to be encircling it. He didn’t understand why the other angels struggled with blue.

He snapped and was back in the star space. For the first time he felt he could breathe again. Then he noticed there was a tear rolling down his cheek. He quickly wiped it away and instead stretched his wings. 

They were white against the dark, but they seemed to almost glow with a rainbow incandescent sheen. As many colors as the stars he put into the sky he thought to himself. He stretched them and then even though he knew he shouldn’t be able to fly in space, he flew. Winding between stars and nebulae. Dodging a comet that came a bit too close. He let his heart fly here in this space and in his isolation.

After a time he settled near a bright white star. Sirius he thought it was? That one wasn’t one of his. But it worked for light. He stared at the paper.

His name and the name of the star Fomalhaut was written across the top. He read the specifications. Then he realized why no one else had taken this one. “Oh my star, I am so sorry.”

He knew the stars shouldn’t feel, but it didn’t stop them from seeming as if they did. And one of the things they seemed to hate was being alone. Fomalhaut was destined to be alone.

Crowley wondered if this was a message, and if that was his destiny. He looked up. “Mother, are you trying to tell me something? Is that why none of the rest understand me?”

She didn’t answer. She never did.

Crowley turned back to the paper, then he pulled some star dust from the shop and began to move his hands. The star in front of him coalesced, then it began to glow. White for now, not blue. Crowley concentrated and tried to force the blue out. The star turned red.

“Oh no you don’t.” Crowley swiped a bit of dust into his hand again pushing it into the star until the light settled into a begrudging blue. “Better.” He began to work the small ring around it into existence and smiled when it settled.

But the star somehow felt morose.

“Don’t be sad, little one. You’ll be beautiful. They’ll all appreciate you.” The star didn’t respond, just continued it’s same sad hum. Crowley sighed. He let a tiny bit of the red shine through. The star was still not pleased, but it seemed more content, he thought?

This one he didn’t cast in the sky. He carefully flew to the star's location, cradling it. When he set it in the sky he gave it a gentle brush with his hand. He sat with it, til he thought it was well and truly settled.

When he finally stopped staring at the small star, he turned and stepped back into the workshop. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting, but he wasn’t expecting the room in a bustle.

He sidled over to Kochbiel, eyebrow raised.

“They’re summoning all the creator angels. Didn’t say why, but somehow everyone seems to think it’s a punishment.”

Crowley blanched. Surely they wouldn’t have made such a big todo over some flowers. He wondered if he should seek out Lucifer before the meeting. “When is it?”

“Just a few minutes. I was about to come find you.”

Crowley gulped, then he nodded as he started to follow the rest of the angels from the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last week has been full of some personal items that needed handling. At the very least, I'll be updating every Friday and the next couple of chapters are already written so I'm a bit ahead. I'm hoping I finish earlier and get on a faster schedule. I do hate trying to remember what day of the week it is and doing so for 10 more weeks? Eep.
> 
> Plus I think I've written through most of the hard now except the Fall itself. Once Aziraphale shows up I have a feeling the chapters will get longer, but easier.


	3. The Punishment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley finds out what punishment is being doled out by Heaven, then he goes to make a star.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's a couple days late! Days of the week are hard on the regular but especially right now. The good news is the next chapter will be up by next Friday so there's less of a wait there ;)

Crowley wanted to stop and take a place in the back. He didn’t dare. That would bring attention. He filed into his place in the middle with the rest of the star makers. He grimaced when he realized that his spot was on the center aisle.

The rest of the angels were chattering. Crowley wasn’t. He stared dead ahead at Gabriel and Michael on the raised dais in front of him and wondered what this was about. Surely they wouldn’t call together a group like this just because he experimented with some plants.

His silver eyes studied the expression on Gabriel’s face. It somehow looked almost gleeful? Crowley had never liked Gabriel, and his current trepidation wasn’t helping things.

Gabriel snapped and two angels appeared next to him on stage. Both were bound with their mouths gagged. Both looked terrified. Crowley was torn between relief, whatever the problem was it had nothing to do with him, and mounting horror at what was about to happen. He didn’t understand the need for whatever this spectacle was, but his stomach clenched at seeing the bound angels on stage.

Gabriel was smirking now, glancing their direction. Then he started to speak. “You all are aware that we have rules. Guidelines. Ways that we do things. We all know how important it is to follow the rules. They both keep us safe and follow His will. And we all want to do that, don’t we?”

He waited for the quiet murmur of assent from the gathered angels. Crowley stayed silent, staring.

“As you know, we encourage love. Love is afterall one of our key attributes. However, we do have rules in place to ensure the safety for all. We were told that these rules were not being followed.” Gabriel looked at the two angels next to him. “Despite being angels of different ranks, these two opted to begin a mating relationship. As you know, Principalities and Seraphs are not permitted to be together.”

Gabriel paused and let that fact settle on the crowd. The angels began muttering amongst themselves. Crowley was still anxious. This shouldn’t have been a matter for a wide audience. He really didn’t see the point in the rule at all. It was all love, wasn’t it? Their mother had never told him to limit it.

As soon as it quieted Gabriel opened his arms wide and then spoke. “These two angels will be the first that are to be cast out from Heaven. Those who break rules, who cannot follow the ineffable plan will be cast out. They will need to make a different way. That will enable those of us who are truly devoted to guide the new humans.”

Later, Crowley would blame the fact that he opened his mouth on his shock. But open his mouth they did. “But why? All they did was love each other. Is that truly deserving of this?”

Gabriel’s eyes narrowed on the flamed-haired angel, purple eyes staring into silver. Gabriel smiled as he responded. “The casting out of angels who are not loyal is part of the ineffable plan.”

Crowley felt a part inside of him he didn’t know he had break, perhaps it was his heart. He nodded, but stayed silent. Gabriel looked away as if satisfied.

“You are all dismissed. But if you see angels not following the plan, be sure to report them to us. We will take care of them, and it will be safer for us all.”

Gabriel and Michael turned and walked off the stage, dragging the bound angels behind them. Crowley realized he didn’t even know their names.

Crowley let himself be carried off in the crowd. Everyone around him was chattering but he was reeling. No, not everyone he realized. Lucifer was giving him a calculated look. And some others were silent.

As soon as they were back in the star studio Crowley grabbed the paper with his name on it and snapped himself into star space, anxious to be away from anyone or anything.

Once he was alone he looked at the paper and read the name R Aquarii. That’s what the humans would call it one day. But it wasn’t a star, it was a recurrent novae. A star that would be forever exploding. He looked at the specifications.

Then he let everything he was feeling pour into the star.

Then he realized somehow there were two. And they were interwoven. The giant red star was exploding, yes, but somehow it seemed to be almost protecting the white star orbiting it. That wasn’t in the specifications, but Crowley didn’t care right now. He knew Lucifer wouldn’t blame him.

He let the two stars dance their dance. Fast forwarding and rewinding. They looked beautiful together. And perhaps that was the important part, they were together. No one would be able to separate them, even though it meant destruction for both of them ultimately.

Crowley didn’t realize he was crying until a tear drop fell on his hand as he was pulling in some of the star dust. He touched his face. He didn’t know if he’d ever actually cried before, but he was now. He paused his making and simply looked up.

He knew she was everywhere. There was no specific direction to look. But he looked up and all he asked was why.

There was no answer. No one had heard anything for a very long time, and Crowley hadn’t really expected to now.

He added another miracle to the stars in his hand. Encouraging them to continue their expanding and contracting dance as long as he could. They would be destroyed in the end, but they would be able to shine first.

The stars pulsated quietly in his hands and he moved to place them in the sky. Unlike the other stars that had seemed morose, these in their destructive dance seemed pleased. Crowley wondered what that meant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you'd like to learn more about R Aquarii you can here: https://brownspaceman.com/variable-star-r-aquarii/


	4. The Temptation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucifer tempts Crowley into joining his side, and Crowley creates more stars.

Crowley had sat and watched his new creation until he was certain it was as stabilized as it could be. The red was beautiful, but the white star circling it was really what made it captivating. Eventually he sighed and stretched his wings and left space to head back into the workshop.

He was surprised that it was silent. He was even more surprised that Lucifer was there.

His voice was lackadaisical, but his eyes seemed to glow slightly. “That star definitely wasn’t to specifications. Beautiful. But should be scrapped and remade.”

For the first time, Crowley wondered if he’d fight to protect something. He banished the thought. The star wasn’t made to specifications, he’d gone off the plan, he’d-

The star instructions paper burned in Lucifer’s hand. “Glad no one will know. It’s a beautiful one.”

Crowley said nothing, merely nodded. His eyes never looking away from Lucifer’s golden ones.

“I’d like to invite you to a meeting. It’s for angels who aren’t quite fitting in here. I think you’d be a valuable addition to that team. We have some ideas.” Lucifer broke the eye contact to look down at his nails. “You’re good at ideas.”

Everything about this reeked of danger to Crowley. But he needed to find out more. “When? Where?”

Lucifer looked past Crowley’s shoulder. Crowley noted he was smiling, but it didn’t go to his eyes. “About an hour. Meet me at the edge.”

Crowley nodded. Lucifer turned and strutted away and he was left wondering what it all meant. He’d find out soon enough, but in the meantime he picked up the next star request and began reading it.

\----

The star edge was relatively easy to get to, but it was a place not many went. Entering star space required some level of temporal and size manipulation. They were playing with stars, of course. Stars that were generally significantly larger and covered vast distances. The angels among them needed to be able to warp things a bit, or they’d never be able to get anything done.

The edge of star space was where one went without changing size. It wasn’t Heaven, not quite. Nor was it anything else, as the Earth didn’t exist yet. It was simply the edge, but with nothing to fall off onto.

If they looked up they could see what appeared to be the occasional giant sized angel in the sky, but any on the Edge were unnoticeable in the vast space.

Crowley arrived to find five other angels crowded around Lucifer. One he recognized as another star maker. The others he did not.

They were smiling and laughing until they noticed him. Then one by one they fell silent as they took him in. Lucifer continued to smile.

“We needed someone creative. Everyone meet our new director of creativity, should he accept the position.”

A blonde angel started to grumble. “Why do we need someone creative? We’ve got enough creativity.”

Lucifer turned, somehow both smiling and glaring simultaneously at the blonde angel. “Because you want things but have no idea on how to make them happen.” He turned his attention back to Crowley. “This angel, however, is the only one I’ve seen who seems to simply enjoy figuring things out.” There was no glare left in Lucifer’s face now, but there was a glint to his eye that made Crowley nervous.

Crowley pulled himself into a sitting position to match the other angels as he eyed them nervously. He enjoyed the praise and knew there was something more to him, but he didn’t know what this all meant. Or what they wanted. All of the eyes were on him. He pushed down his fears. “So, what is it that you want?”

Lucifer’s eyes were definitely glowing golden now as a smile that made Crowley uncomfortable spread across his face. “Well, you see. We think things need to change. More freedoms for everyone, you understand. More ability to do as you’d like.”

Crowley nodded.

“We need someone who can help lead. Who can be… creative. Who can come up with solutions for when there are problems that need to be dealt with.” Lucifer was still smiling.

Crowley chose his words carefully. “I would be happy to help those in need of assistance.”

“But would you be happy to go outside the plan? To simply create?”

Crowley knew his face was betraying him. He thought of the flowers and of stars and the simple ability to ask questions. He nodded.

“Good. All I’d like of you tonight is for you to go do that. Create something. I’ll take any blame, but you know I’m the one who approves all the stars ultimately anyway. Go, cut loose.” Lucifer was waving him towards the sky.

Crowley began to move towards the star space, then he paused and looked back at the group. He still didn’t quite understand. “What will come next?”

“Nothing for you to worry about. Don’t you want to make things?”

Crowley turned back to the sky. His heart thudded. He felt like he was wavering on a precipice. Then he took off. He didn’t look back at the group behind him, nor hear the others begin to ask what his role truly was to be. Lucifer waved them off, telling them they’d find out when the time came.

Crowley flew.

He didn’t really have a destination in mind. He swept some star dust with him. As the star in his hand began to take shape he let his hand sweep over his halo for an instant. The star glowed a soft yellow and he smiled.

And yet he was still alone. There was still something within him that ached. The yellow star pulsed in his hands as he flew and then he was making another, this one red. The two began to dance.

Crowley had made nebulas that glowed with ecstasy and novas that were exploding. But he’d never seen two stars that simply seemed drawn to each other as these two frolicked in his hands. He realized with a start that they were so close that to anyone below they’d appear as one. He couldn’t help smiling as he looked at them.

Crowley could have placed them, but there was no need. These weren’t on any sort of plan, they’d never be charted. He simply let them go and watched them meander their way across the sky. As an afterthought, he sent a small bit of dirt after them, orbiting them much like the Earth would orbit the sun.

There was no proper up and down in space, but he stretched out anyway and simply stared at the position he imagined was up. His body slowly twirled through the sky. He wondered what this meant, this new creation of his. And he wondered if anything would happen because of it.

When he finally dragged himself back to the star studio to get his next set of instructions, Lucifer was there waiting. He was smiling, and he gestured for Crowley to follow him from the room. Crowley was expecting to be led to Lucifer’s offices. Instead Lucifer led him back to where the meeting had been just a few hours ago. The others were gone now.

“That was a beautiful star you made. Looked to almost have two colors to it.”

Crowley decided to keep the fact that it was two stars to himself for now. “Thank you.” He said softly.

“We want to make it so that everyone can create. So that everyone can make things. Like you just did. But to do that, we need to make some changes. We need to have… new people in charge.”

Crowley felt a twinge of worry at that.

“And we need Mother to recognize that we know better than she does.”

“How are you so sure we do?” The words spilled out before Crowley knew what he was saying and yet.

“Do you really think her plan is all that wonderful? Create the humans and let THEM have the world? She’d just cast us out like that? Why don’t we get it? No, we’re making this all for them instead.” Lucifer’s eyes weren’t golden anymore Crowley realized. They were glowing a soft red. “We need to set ourselves up as their leaders, of course. We can help them. We’ll be better than them in every way. And if we take Mother down in the process, well.”

Wrong. This felt wrong in every way. Crowley shook his head. “I can’t do this.”

“You don’t have a choice. Don’t you think you don’t already have enough write ups for me to have you be one of the new Fallen as they’re calling them?” Lucifer’s smile was gone. “I’d rather have you come of your own will. You’re creative. You’re what we need. You can see the need for change. But if you won’t, well. No one will listen to a Fallen angel.”

Crowley froze. He knew Lucifer was right. Moreover, a part of him wondered if it’d be better to fall. If it’d be better to get away from all of this, where he clearly didn’t belong. Mother wasn’t answering, and she had seemed to be the only one who cared. He considered telling Lucifer to do it. Why not? The only thing he’d miss would be the stars.

“I won’t be part of this.” He said instead. Then he turned and left before Lucifer had a chance to respond.

If he’d turned around he wouldn’t have seen anger on the Arch Angel’s face. He would have seen a sort of pensieve wonder at being defied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please forgive for the slow updates <3 The fic is actually nearly written, but I've started a new job and life has been a bit topsy-turvey. We're getting there. The next two chapters are longer and I'm going to post them back to back when they post, because I can't leave angst sitting there without something to soften it a bit.


	5. The Betrayal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley's Fall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW for this chapter: War in Heaven, but nothing overly descriptive. Falling and pain.
> 
> Be careful with this one, please <3
> 
> I'm posting the next one back to back for some light to balance the dark.

Crowley grabbed the next paper with his name on it in disgust. He followed the description perfectly, placing the small red star in the sky, then watching it slowly spin in orbit.

He realized he wasn’t far from the pair of stars he’d made and glanced at them guiltily. He wondered briefly if he should destroy the evidence of his wrong doing, but then he realized Lucifer already knew. It would do no good, and he may as well leave them in place.

He kept working, on and on. Sometimes nodding at other angels in passing, but mostly ignoring them. He knew time was passing. Hours, days, months flew by and he didn’t leave the star studio, and only left the skies long enough to get his next set of instructions. He made all of the stars in perfectly accordance with the plan.

Every once in a while he visited his pair of stars. Once when he did he eyed the small pile of dirt next to it. Then he shrunk down to size to walk across the small planet. There was atmosphere here, perhaps there was just enough. He snapped and the small multi colored flower the other angel had gotten rid of reappeared in front of him. He planted it gently. Every time he visited, he planted something else. There wasn’t much to it, but it was green and growing.

And in the meantime he kept to his work. And let the time pass. That was before he heard the yells from the star studio. 

Crowley froze. He was vaguely aware things had been getting more tense. Then he heard metal on metal and flinched. He waited, listening to shouts and more metal clashes. He wondered what was going on. He floated in space, tucking his knees up to his chest. And he spoke to his Mother. Mostly he asked her why.

It was Uriel that appeared in front of him, sword drawn. Then two others in their wake. Uriel pointed the sword at Crowley and Crowley raised his hands.

“What have I done?”

Uriel smiled. It wasn’t a kind smile. “You’ve been turned in. By Lucifer himself. For asking too many questions.”

The two angels began to advance and Uriel stepped forward, bringing their sword to Crowley’s throat. Crowley held his breath.

His hands were bound behind him and he was dragged back to the star studio. The scene there appalled him. Blood spattered the floor still. There was at least one angel on the floor not moving. Others were bound and tied into a line and that’s where he was led.

Uriel gave them a wave and yelled he was the last one on the list. Then the line started to move. They walked through the streets of Heaven. Everywhere there were more signs of battle, more damage. Actual platoons of troops stood guard in some intersections supposedly keeping the peace.

Was this what it had come to? Open battling in the streets? Sibling against sibling?

They were lead out the gates and up a steep incline. There, an even longer line awaited them. As the line started to move forward first Crowley could hear the screams. He looked around and realized that he wasn’t in the only line. It seemed like there were so many.

As he got closer he started to hear the pleading. And some defiance. Some were begging to stay whereas others were screaming at the arch angels at the top to do their worst.

The assisting angels kept handing Gabriel new lists. He’d read off the supposed crimes, then the angels in question would be pushed over the edge. Then there was always a scream. No one was falling without screaming. Crowley wondered if he could avoid screaming, if he could keep it in.

And then it was his turn. “Asking too many questions. Turned in by Lucifer.”

Crowley opened his mouth to plead his case, they hadn’t even know about the stars! Why was it a problem to ask questions?

Before he could get a word out Gabriel was smirking at him, hand on his chest. “Well, that’s another problem gone.” He said as he gave Crowley a shove. And then Crowley was Falling.

Crowley wasn’t sure he’d ever forget Gabriel’s smirk, the last thing he’d ever see in Heaven as he fell backwards. His half hearted pleas didn’t have a chance to escape his lips as he felt himself start to teeter backwards. Then he was Falling.

He instinctively spread his wings, trying to catch himself as he had so many times before. It felt like the air was simply gone, there was nothing for them to catch on. 

Then it started to burn.

Crowley had been injured before. Small bruises and cuts happened. He’d even snapped a wing bone once, learning to fight. Someone had healed him and stopped the pain rather fast.

None of that compared to this. He thought he had felt pain, but this pain was all encompassing. As he fell he found himself curling up, simply trying not to cry out. It didn’t work. Like the others a scream was ripping through his lips.

He was trying to drag his eyes open, to focus them. He thought some of the pain may be abating. That was when he hit the pool of sulfur. It surrounded him, filled him. Anything that hadn’t been burnt before was aflame now. Crowley wondered if there was anything left to him but a charred cinder.

Eventually he was able to gather enough to push off the bottom of the pool, and then to pull himself out. He didn’t make it far, he just collapsed next to the pool. But the sulfur was slowly dripping off and he could breathe, why did he want to breathe all of a sudden?

It didn’t matter. He laid there and let himself simply be and breathed. He heard screams around him. Others were calling out. What were they now? They weren’t angels. He wondered what he should call them.

As the heat slipped away he realized something worse. The heat had been horrible, burning. But it was being replaced by a cold he’d never felt before. Freezing. He was freezing for the first time. Was this his fate? Cast out to be burned and then to freeze.

He finally pulled his eyes open. He looked down at his hands. They were scaled. He glanced to his wings, they no longer shined. Now they were a dirty grey color. He closed his eyes again. He tried moving closer to the sulfur pool. It had burned him, but at least it was warm.

He realized his body was warming up, but that wasn’t what was missing. He couldn’t feel them anymore. The other angels. Her. They were gone. Crowley had always felt alone, but that touch had always been there. Now where it used to be was a simple hole. He’d thought he was alone before, now he felt utterly solitary.

He tried to look at his hands again. Black scales. He closed his eyes and let his body shift. When he opened his eyes again, he didn’t have hands any longer. He realized he was a snake. He’d flown among the stars, his new form apparently was cursed to slither on the ground.

He forced himself back to human form. Then he stared at his hands until he could will the scales away. The golden spirals that used to decorate his arms were also gone, but at least the scales went with them.

He glanced at his wings. Then he glared at them. They changed. They’d never be white again, but perhaps… His wings slowly began to shift color to match his scales. Shimmering black. Crowley hadn’t realized he’d been holding his breath until he gasped it in. Then he laid down on the ground again, letting it warm him.

He closed his eyes. Why bother anymore? Why bother moving? There was nothing here besides burning and freezing and pain.

Someone kicked him in the side.

“Get up. There’s a meeting. Lucifer’s taking over.”

Crowley pulled his eyes open long enough to glance at the not-angel standing above him. Blonde. Same blonde at the table maybe? Hard to tell through the muck on his face.

“Oh, I recognize you. Thought you were better than the rest of us. Well you’re down here now. Get up.” He kicked him again. Then he walked on.

Crowley winced, then he pulled himself to his feet. He fell into line with the others as they gathered.

Lucifer was standing on a dais, smiling.

Then he started speaking to the silent crowd. About how they would show Heaven in the next battle. About how he knew they’d lost some good soldiers, but they wouldn’t lose again. About how they would be able to undermine everything in the Great Plan now. And about how he needed all of them and their unique talents.

When he spoke of unique talents, his eyes narrowed on Crowley with a grin. The grin could definitely no longer be described as angelic. Crowley wondered what it was he’d wanted with him from the beginning.

Then Lucifer was dismissing them. Crowley tried to blend into the crowd. Later he’d regret that decision. It would have been better to go to Lucifer directly rather than deal with the churning crowd.

If Heaven was a place of hierarchies and duties, Hell, as they were calling it, at the moment was not. It was a place of fighting and conflicts. Crowley tried to stay to the side as the no-longer-angels fought it out for a pecking order. He was pleased to see his time stops still worked, and he’d used them a time or two to slide away.

Still, he’d gotten into and out of scuffles. So far none had done any serious damage. He knew of at least a few of the Fallen that had lost wings to these fights.

Crowley was leaning back against a wall watching another fight play out when a hand landed on his shoulder. He glanced up, surprised to see Lucifer standing there. Lucifer nodded to a hallway and began walking. It flitted through Crowley’s head briefly to ignore him, but he knew it wasn’t worth it. Not right now. He followed.

When they were alone Lucifer turned, smiling the smile Crowley had come to associate with danger. “I’m glad you’re here, Crawley.”

Crowley stopped the wince reaching his face. At least he hoped he did. He despised that name.

“You know darling, none of the others have your creativity in the least. They wouldn’t know how to undermine things if it was handed to them. You’re valuable, Crawley.” Lucifer looked down at his nails and then back up at Crowley. “Which is why I have a special job for you. Or rather, not a job. You excel at simply making things happen. I want you to go up top and make some trouble. Can you do that?”

Crowley thought about the stars. He knew Lucifer was asking him to go to the Earth, not the stars, but it was a step closer. At least he’d be able to finally see them again. And he wouldn’t be here. He nodded. “Did you have anything specific in mind?”

“Oh no, no. I’m sure you’ll find something creative once you’re there. Just trouble. That’s all. Best to get going now. The humans are there and they could use someone of your talents.”

Crowley didn’t hesitate. He took his snake form and began to burrow, up and up. It felt like he was burrowing for miles, but he knew with every inch he was further from either Heaven or Hell. And perhaps that would let him finally be himself. He kept burrowing.

When he broke through the first thing he did was shift back into as close to his previous form as he could. He knew that he’d taken more care to look the way his angelic self did than most of the other Fallen. Perhaps that’s why he was the only one with his new image tattooed on his skin. It had to come out somehow. It was no matter now. He shifted and he looked up at the sky.

The stars were there, winking at him as he glowed. He stared at them, finding the familiar ones he’d made. Remembering what it was like to fly among them. He didn’t know when the tears had started, but he knew why they were there. It wasn’t enough that he had lost so much else. The stars no longer looked right. He knew his eyes had changed, weren’t quite the same. He hadn’t realized that had meant he’d lose this too.

But he reminded himself through the stinging tears that they were still there. His creations were still dancing. And at least he could see them now.


	6. The Angel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley and Aziraphale meet in Eden, and things change.

Crowley watched the angel and the humans in the garden. He tried to learn. He knew his instructions were to cause trouble, but he was loathe to do so. Even the angel didn’t seem so bad, really. He was flustered and trying to help Adam and Eve when they asked for help. But Adam and Eve were fascinating, if a little naive.

Crowley stayed in snake form as he watched them. It was easier to go unnoticed that way. Beings rarely looked up or down.

The angel was talking softly to Eve about the birds and Crowley saw him stare briefly at the snake hanging in the tree. The angel shifted, moving himself between Eve and the snake subtly. Crowley wondered why. There was no way the angel could know what he was, not yet. And none of the animals here would harm each other or either of the humans.

It took weeks of studying before Crowley decided to speak to Eve the first time. Over the next few weeks the pair got to know each other. Crowley had told Eve his story, or most of it. She had listened with rapt attention. Storytelling was new to her, and she was fascinated by a tale not her own. Crowley was fascinated by her curiosity.

Months passed in peace before the apple was mentioned. Crowley wondered if he should mention it, then he realized he had to. That it needed to be her decision. Neither of them knew what would happen. Eve knew she couldn’t be without knowledge, and so she ate.

Crowley halfway expected the angel to smite them all. He knew that the angel was aware of what he was by now. A demon, as he’d been told at one point when he’d gone to check in.

He was surprised when instead the angel carved a hole in the wall and ushered the humans out of it. He watched as the angel ascended the wall and observed Adam and Eve making their way out into the world.

This wasn’t normal behavior, was it? Crowley needed to know more. He slithered up the wall, then he transformed.

The conversation went as expected. Crowley was poking and Aziraphale was giving the party line. He wasn’t sure why he’d expected something more from this angel, why he thought that there was something new here.

Then he realized the angel- Aziraphale he corrected himself. Aziraphale’s sword was gone.

“I gave it away!”

He’d realized of course that Adam had it, but he thought it’d been an order. That he was catching the angel unarmed under duress. Aziraphale had given his sword away and he was defending his actions. Not that Crowley needed to hear the excuses, he too would have helped the humans.

Crowley tried to keep things together for the rest of the conversation. He had so much to consider, and the angel at his side was his top priority. Then it started to rain and Aziraphale was raising his wing to shelter him.

Crowley had never been protected before. His Mother had gently placed him with the other angels and that had been that. No protection needed, we’re all one big family.

He’d learned to defend himself. He’d learned to take care of himself. He learned that no other angel would give assistance in a time of need, everyone was expected to be able to handle themself.

Now Aziraphale was shielding him with his own wing completely unnecessarily. It wasn’t like the rain would hurt Crowley. Why was he doing it?

Then it struck Crowley. He’d asked questions and tried to figure things out. Aziraphale didn’t, wasn’t. The angel seemed to just do what he thought he should. And what he thought he should certainly didn’t match with what the other angels thought up in Heaven.

As the two bid each other good evening, Aziraphale asked if he’d see him again tomorrow. Crowley said of course.

As Crowley nestled into the small bed of leaves he’d made himself as a home in Eden, he realized he was smitten. Just as quickly, he realized it could absolutely never be. Aziraphale was an angel. He was not. Still, there was no rule that said he couldn’t find out more. He was told to make some trouble. They didn’t say how long. Surely distracting an angel for a bit would mean trouble for someone. Besides, what could they possibly do to him now for breaking the rules? He stared at his own black wings, and then dragged his eyes back to the sky.

He stared up at the stars and for the first time he hoped morning would come quickly.

When it did, he found his way to the Wall again. Aziraphale was there, sitting now. He was looking outwards, but not at anything in particular. Overnight the desert around Eden has grown green. 

Crowley took it in for a moment and wondered if he had truly needed Aziraphale’s wing to shield him yesterday. The water hadn’t been holy, but it had certainly been blessed in some way. Or perhaps that came after. Midway through he realized he was asking questions again. 

He smiled softly as he sat down. He thought he’d lost that in the Fall. He’d enjoyed Eve’s curiosity, but his own had been dormant. Then he looked at the angel that was carefully smiling back.

“Adam and Eve?” Crowley finally asked. It’d always been his job to ask questions, of course.

“Found a new, safe home. And well” Aziraphale gestured. “There’s food. They’ll have to work a bit harder for it, but they’ll be fine.”

Crowley braced himself for the question he was terrified to ask. “And you?”

“No further orders right now other than to guard humanity.” Aziraphale was definitely giving him a measuring look now. “Why? Planning something?”

Crowley smirked. “Would you thwart me if I was?”

Aziraphale raised an eyebrow then stared past him. “I’d prefer not to fight you, Crawley. There’s been enough fighting hasn’t there?”

There was something wistful in Aziraphale’s voice. An angel who didn’t want to fight a demon, then. He admonished himself for becoming more interested. Then he held out the fig.

“Have you tried the fruit yet?”

Aziraphale took it carefully from his hand. “I mean, no. We don’t need to, do we?”

“Tastes good. I used to try them in Heaven. Never hurt me.”

“You Fell.”

Crowley smiled sadly. “Not because I ate the fruit, Aziraphale. It’s safe enough. Go ahead, try it.”

Aziraphale looked at the food in his hand and up at Crowley. He muttered something about not being told not to eat it, and took a bit.

Crowley had to laugh at the way his eyes lit up. Suddenly he’d trade all the stars he made to see that light continue in Aziraphale’s face. It was beautiful.

Aziraphale looked at him in trepidation and Crowley felt a part of him break. Mocking. He thought Crowley was mocking him.

“I’m happy to see you like it, angel. That’s all. They don’t all taste the same way and some taste better than others to me, but I like that one.”

Aziraphale took another bite and there was a bit of juice beginning to drip down his chin. Crowley reached forward. He moved slowly, allowing Aziraphale to stop him any step of the way. Then he used his thumb to wipe the juice dripping down Aziraphale’s chin.

“Can be messy. Wouldn’t want you to get any on your robes.”

“T-thank you.” Aziraphale’s voice was soft, his eyes still on Crowley. He took another bite. As he put the final piece in his mouth he looked horrified. “I forgot to offer you any!”

“S’ok. Brought it for you. I know where to get more if I want one.”

Aziraphale relaxed, but then he was staring at the juice on his hands. 

“I just lick it off. Easier that way.”

Aziraphale carefully brought his fingers to his lips and Crowley tried to ignore the way that made him feel. He watched as Aziraphale carefully licked his fingers clean and then he went back to staring out at the no-longer-desert.

“It’s all growing so fast.”

Crowley nodded. “Faster than it did in the Gardens, even. Someone’s controlling something I s’pose.”

Aziraphale looked startled. “Did you-” he stopped. “No, that would be rude of me.”

“I worked with the stars. Not the gardens.”

Aziraphale looked wistful. “I was never able to see them upstairs. They put me straight to learning to defend.”

“Defend?”

Aziraphale glanced at him. Crowley felt his heart give a lurch as blue eyes looked at him under those lashes.

“I’m a principality. I’m to defend the humans. Against all threats.”

“What am I?”

Aziraphale snorted. “Not a threat. I’ve been watching you for weeks.”

Crowley’s jaw dropped. “How?”

Aziraphale smiled at him. “You think I wouldn’t notice a particularly handsome snake in the garden that hadn’t been there before? Especially one of that size? It was my job to keep them safe you know.”

Crowley simply stared. “But you let me talk to her.” It seemed safer than asking if Aziraphale thought he was handsome.

“I let her choose who she wanted to converse with once I was sure you wouldn’t harm her. That choice is hers, and hers alone.” Aziraphale’s voice was prim. “They have free will you know.”

“Don’t we?”

Aziraphale fell silent. Then he whispered. “I don’t know.” He was staring at Crowley.

He wasn’t smiling, and Crowley felt a certain place within him that truly wanted to make this angel smile. “Aziraphale, you’ve spent most of your time with Adam and Eve. Have you seen the waterfall on the far side of Eden?”

“Waterfall? You mean the small one near the tree?”

“Like that, but larger. Let me show you?” Crowley stood fluidly, holding out his hand to help Aziraphale up. They both knew the angel didn’t need it, but he took his hand anyway and Crowley pulled Aziraphale to his feet. Aziraphale’s hand was warm, he noted. And now Aziraphale was smiling encouragingly at him, so Crowley took to the air.

He glanced back to see Aziraphale was following, then he began to spin and dive through the air, crossing Eden ducking under some of the tallest trees.

He heard a shout behind him and finally a frustrated yell. “You’re going too fast for me!”

Crowley popped up above the trees, only to have Aziraphale nearly run into him. He just grinned. “Sorry.” And then he took off at a more leisurely pace, this time staying above the trees. He heard Aziraphale huff behind him, but he’d seen the smile when they’d nearly collided.

Finally Crowley headed down and landed gently among the trees. Aziraphale landed beside him, light as a feather Crowley noted.

“There’s no waterfall here?”

“This way, I wanted you to see it from this angle first.”

Crowley started leading the way through the underbrush. Aziraphale raised an eyebrow when he ducked into a small cave, but he continued to follow. They walked in silence, the only noise the quickly increasing sound of water. It was dark, but they were both able to see reasonably well, still Aziraphale’s hand reached out and grabbed Crowley’s hand for a portion of the walk.

Finally Crowley paused. “Around the next bend, ready?”

Aziraphale nodded. Crowley stepped around first, simultaneously stepping out of the way and turning to see Aziraphale’s face.

Crowley was rewarded with a gently wondrous smile as Aziraphale took in the light streaming through the waterfall into the cave, sparkling against the opposite wall. “It’s beautiful.” Crowley could only think that he was seeing a far more beautiful sight. 

Aziraphale reached his hand out touching the water, then turning to look at the small cavern. “How did you find it?”

“Did some exploring my early days here.”

Aziraphale looked around again, then a small frown formed on his face. “Is the only way out back through that cave?”

Crowley smirked. “There is one other way.”

Aziraphale turned to him, waiting. Crowley wondered how much he dared. Aziraphale’s hand was still in his. But no one could see them here. And maybe this one small thing wouldn’t hurt. He pulled Aziraphale’s hand up, kissing it softly. He heard Aziraphale gasp, and before he even looked into his eyes, he turned and jumped through the cavern hole, using his wings to propel through the waterfall until he tumbled out the other side and into the pool below.

He turned just in time to see Aziraphale burst through the water. His traitorous heart lurched. Beautiful, the angel was beautiful. Aziraphale seemed to hang in the air for a moment, taking in his surroundings. Then his eyes narrowed on Crowlely, and he was diving into the pool. He resurfaced next to Crowley with a small splash.

His eyes bored into the demon. “What was that?”

“Just a jump from a cavern, angel. Didn’t like it?”

Aziraphale’s eyes seemed to almost melt looking into his. “It was lovely. Beautiful, even.”

Crowley smiled. Then he grinned, and used his wings to splash some water at Aziraphale. Aziraphale sputtered for a moment, then propelled himself up, using his wings almost as buckets to douse Crowley. For a time they both forget what they were supposed to be and simply were.

**Author's Note:**

> So... anyone want to beta for me? I'd love a second set of eyes before I post. I'm @CaspianTheGeek over on twitter and you're welcome to DM me.
> 
> Edited to add: Thank you to DarknessAndFyre for beta-ing for me <3


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